in the little locker

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the other day i was driving to starbucks. i know they are canceled for a plethora of reasons and i should support small businesses but, get this, i had a gift card. i also had a need for chai. a grande iced chai with oat milk to be specific.

i became enslaved to this concoction my senior year of college. i felt embarrassed ordering a “pink drink” every time i went to the campus starbucks for a little pick me up. my roommate suggested i, a childish non-coffee-drinker, might enjoy a chai. so, the next day i grabbed one on the way to my shift at my college radio station.

from the first sip, my life has never been the same.

it was the perfect ruse. ordering tea is not childish, in fact, i am pretty sure it is healthy. and to the unknowing passerbyer, it could even pass as an iced latte. very normal. very adult. and, dear god, it tasted like christmas.

ah, i miss that first chai, or, more accurately, the first fifty. they were especially delicious. and although i would like to believe that there was some special ingredient (love?) in the carrier library chai, and if i went for a campus visit, then i could experience the joy of those first fifty chais again, i fear my taste buds have grown overly familiar with the drink. and i think they tore down that library on campus…

well, chai and i have had a wonderful four years together. we have rendez-vous’d at artsy coffee shops, disgusting airport cafes, and even my home kitchen. i think we really hit a turning point in our relationship when i discovered the deli below my office. they make their chai hot and then pour it over ice. so regal. so velvety. and quite moderately priced.

unfortunately, for the past few weeks i had been forced out of my office due to “flooding,” and therefore, separated from my beloved.

so, i grew restless. weary, really. i needed a chai.

unfortunately, the bakery next to my house creates a pitiful chai. really disappointing, but, ultimately, this disappointing attempt at chai probably saved me hundreds of dollars of sweet treat money.

so, i had to venture out. it is not tough to find a good chai in old town, but what is tough is finding street parking nearby. i was in no mood to stress over parking, or worse, PAY for parking just to get my chai. then, i remembered, my mother gave me a starbucks giftcard for easter. a free chai. from starbucks. just like the ones from the early days.

yeah, i needed that.

now, this may be shocking. perhaps even disturbing to some readers. but i want to warn you ahead of time… this is not the climax of the story. this is just something i had to come to terms with about the world around me.

all of the starbucks within a reasonable driving distance to me… don’t have drive thrus.

FUCK.

but, god invented underground parking garages for a reason, and i knew i had no other choice.

i bravely got into my car and put on my newest playlist “recession indicators” featuring all of the latest pop diva’s single releases.

now, what happens during this drive is traumatic, so i can’t exactly remember what song was playing when i first started to drive. it was either leave me alone by renee rapp or fame is a gun by addison rae. but i know exactly what song was playing when it happened. man of the year by lorde.

i was driving through old town, which is hell to any tourist, but i had gotten the vibe down by now. lights and stop signs every block. weird one way streets. annoying pedestrians. even more annoying bikers. (seriously fuck bikers.)

but this time was different. i was in my car, fully paying attention to the road, and i… ran a red light, allegedly.

the only reason i knew that i ran a red light is because a car that had the green was trying to make a left and had to stop for me.

i was shocked. maybe even flabbergasted if i knew the actual definition for that word. immediately, i stomped on my breaks… but who was that going to help? i was already through the light. i just had to keep going.

i wish there was some sort of “sorry i know i fucked up and that was really bad” etiquette when driving. in the moment, i decided to drive the rest of the way to starbucks with my hand over my mouth. just in case anyone wanted look into my car to see what idiot ran a red light, they could see that i was obviously just as shocked.

but if i’m being real? i don’t think anyone cared. nobody honked. nobody glared at me. at least, not from what i could tell. to be fair, i guess i don’t have the best reputation for being aware of my surroundings. maybe the streets were furious. perhaps i’ll get a red light camera ticket in the mail in the coming days. i accept that. i deserve it.

i parked my car outside of the starbucks and reflected for a second. how did that happen? i was fully watching the road. no loud music. no phone in hand. just the soft gender identity musings of lorde.

i thanked the universe that i was safe and nothing bad happened. i promised myself that i would be even more alert while driving.

but, then, i thought… if i fully didn’t notice i ran a red light until i saw a car coming towards me… how many times has this happened before? zero? fifteen? maybe i do need to start taking medication for ADHD…

with a new lease on life (and my fear of driving reinvigorated), i went into the starbucks to get what i came for, and let me tell you… that chai tasted just like my first one.

so, if you ever need to get your sparkle back… you know what needs to be done.